Friday, February 25, 2011

Three Amigos

"Please, Warlock, stand up and introduce yourself."

"Hello, my name is Fulguralis, and... and... my wife slapped me in the face."

"Hello Fulguralis, and who is your friend with the bruised nose there?"


"Excuse me?"

"He said Valentis."

"Ah, very good. And the decaying man to my left, who might you be?"

"Melvin Brightrune, my good man. Former Captain of Stromgarde. It is a blarghlblah blargh blargh."

"Ahem, yes well. Let me just help you pick that up and reattach... quite slimy really, and that's a vicious crack... is that where she... and there you go!"

"Thank you, Goodman. Taught my daughter everything she knows about hitting."

"Gee, thanks, dad."

"Hey, it's not my fault that Deathwing showed up when he did. You can hardly blame that on me. Besides, I seem to remember it being your operation."

"I did what I had to. If Valentis over here wouldn't have pulled me into the felling Emerald Dream, we wouldn't be having this intervention."

"Blat's not flair! You know as blell as I blat ble sodding dlagons made me do it!"

"Dragons. Boy, I tell you if a dragon came up to me and asked me to do something, I'd punch it square in the face!"

"And you wonder where she gets it."

"At least she only slapped you, son."

"All right! It seems like we all just need to calm down. Let's try a quick breathing exercise. Close your eyes. All of you... well, if you don't have eyelids I don't see how you can... here, use this strip of cloth. There you go. Oh my! Wolf!"


"Oh dear, did it just speak to me?"

"He said Valentis."

"Yes, of course. A Gilnean. I had forgotten."

"Yeah, they do that when they get riled up."

"Sod off, Fulgurglalisgrra."

"Blarghl blargh blargh."

"Ah, uh, your jaw again, Captain... here you go... just, um... there."

"Apologies, Goodman. The crack seems to have loosened it. Won't happen again."

"So let's just all take a moment and close our eyes. Imagine we're somewhere safe and warm. Deep breathing now. In and out, focus on the... not quite that deep Valentis, more control and less slobber... focus on being calm, collected, in control."

"Why the fel are we here anyway? Medivh's beard this is pointless! Can't I just go set some critters on fire or something? That's how I deal."

"It was Minnie's suggestion, sport. And trust me, you don't want to get on my wife's bad side."

"I suppose she hits too."

"Crits, is more like it."


"Ah, but you see. That is exactly why we all are here. We need to learn to channel our rage productively. Burning bunnies is not a healthy way to relieve stress. Nor is uncontrolled shapeshifting, or running into a crowd and spinning haphazardly with sharp objects."

"I didn't hit anyone, Goodman. Can't let your weapon control you, as they say. Besides, those hooligans were on our lawn."

"My lawn. You're just visiting, dad, remember?"

"You wouldn't force your dear old father-in-law into a home, would you son? Those places reek of decay!"

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

"What ablout me?"

"You have a tent."


"Don't growl at me, Gilnean."

"Gentleman! Gentleman! Let's not forget why we are here. We're trying to become one with nature around us. We must feel the el-"

"Warlock, what did you do to the Goodman? He's froze and I can see right through him."

"Banished. He was getting a bit too elemental for my tastes. What do you say we deal with this the traditional way?"


"Yes, Valentis. Copious amounts of ale. Though you're going to have to get back to human form before they'll serve you. You in, Mel?"

"Blarghle Blargh!"

"Yeah, you're gonna wanna get that looked at."

"Aye, get me a wire and some of the hard stuff."

"Good, then let's go before the Banish wears off."


  1. This may seem like an odd post, but it was spawned from a writing exercise. I'm a Brandon Sanderson fan ( and he's part of a Writing Excuses ( podcast that I listen to. They have exercises sometimes, and one of them was to write a short sequence entirely in dialog without tags or anything. The point is to work on giving each character a unique voice and making them stand out without directly saying who is saying what.

    It was several months ago, but I felt like doing that today.

  2. And by "months" I mean a little more than one apparently.

  3. It made me giggle reading it. Silly men. The women are definately in charge in these relationships. ;-)

  4. Aren't they always... whether the men admit it or not? ;-)

  5. Yep! :)

    I let my boyfriend think otherwise at certain times, but he knows that I'm the boss. :)