Friday, September 30, 2011

Twisted Sister

The candles cast a warm glow on the greatroom of the manor, illuminating Fulguralis and his minions.  The Warlock taps his foot and looks impatiently at the ceiling.  Sensing his mood, the other creatures in the room fidget.

"Where is she?" Fulguralis asks.

"Maybe they've been sidetracked by loooove," Berry Blue responds.

Nighty's eyes light up.  "Right.  I'm sure she's all... tied up."

The Warlock favors his Succubus with a frown.

"Whatif-whatif-whatif..." Spaz sputters.  They all stare at the imp, bouncing on the sofa and repeating the same words like a broken Gnomish recording.

"Out with it already," Nighty orders, striking him on the head.  Spaz falls to the floor with a thump, rolls over, and runs to the other sofa.

"Ouch-ouch-OUCH," Spaz whines.  "I-was-just-gonna-say-maybe-she's-been-bitten.  Like... CANDY!"  And he's back to jumping.

"Don't be a fool, Shorty," Berry Blue says.  "Ain't everyone like our whip-carryin' friend here.  More likely they stopped for a candlelight dinner and some smooth, soft-"

"Do you suppose he would bite a Succubus?" Nighty purrs.  "Mmmmm.  Furries are fun."

"Shut up, all of you," Fulguralis says.  "That's my sister you're talking about.  Valentis wouldn't bite her... would he?"

"Dude, I'd tap that."  The deep voice carries from the back room.

"Shut up, DeeGee.  Get back in the closet.  I didn't even summon you."

"But it's hot in the closet."

"Which reminds me," Fulguralis strokes his chin, "I need to get back to the Firelands.  You coming, Sparky?"

The Felpup hops up on the table and barks a few times, voicing some cryptic canine opinion that only his master can decipher.

The Warlock rolls his eyes.  "Of course it's going to be hot.  That's why they call it the Firelands."

Sparky's head droops and a whine mewls out.

"Oh, stop being a baby."

"Take me.  I like it hot," Nighty suggests huskily.

Fulguralis rolls his eyes.  "Of course you do.  But you're always spanking yourself and, quite frankly, it's getting real felling annoying."

"It's hot in the closet," Deegee throws in.

Fulguralis points.  "See, there you go.  Sounds like an offer to me."

Night frowns, but heads off to the back room anyway.

"Make sure you use a Shadow Ward," Fulguralis calls after her.

Over her shoulder, the Succubus makes an obscene gesture.

"Fire-fire-FIRE.  Takeme-takeme!"  Spaz is running around the Warlock's ankles.

Fulguralis glances over at his Felhunter.  "See what you're subjecting me to?"

The Felpup chuffs and hops down off the table.  He snaps his jaws at the Imp, sending the little guy off screaming.  With a satisfied look on his face, he takes his place at his master's side.

"All right, summon me!" the Warlock yells up at the ceiling.  "Back to the felling grind," he mutters, then turns to look down and his minion.  "You think we'll get some new gear tonight?"

The Felpup cocks his head.

"No, you're right.  It'll be mail or leather again, no one will be able to use it, and we'll have another shard," Fulguralis complains.  He takes a deep breath, staring up at nothing in particular.  "Gear seems so much harder to come by since the Shattering.  The Mages must be screwing with the market again, holding back the choicest pieces for their precious council.  You know how they are.  Probably got that fabled legendary staff right now, taking turns turning each other into dragons and-"

With a pop, the Warlock disappears.


  1. "No, you're right. It'll be mail or leather again, no one will be able to use it, and we'll have another shard,"

    -->Hey, that was our Firelands loot last night too!

  2. I swear, I haven't gotten a gear drop in forever. It's awful.