Friday, October 29, 2010

One Cataclysm Averted

Fulguralis woke up with a pounding headache. Rather, there were voices screaming in his head, causing it to ache. Frenzied voices. Chattering voices. Smooth voices.  Sexy voices.  What is this?

*     *     *

Spaz: Looklook!  He's-baaaaack!
Midnight: Mmm, thought we almost lost you there, Tiger. 
Sparkie barks happily at his master.
Berry Blue: Smoooth move, killin' the LK, man. TBC is really pissed off now.
Deegee: Dude, that was fly as fel.  Totally legit.
The minions stand around Fulguralis roughly in a circle, glowing green line crisscrossing the floor, connecting each of them. 
Fulguralis: What are you talking about?
Spaz: YouyouYOU!  You-keel-King-of-Liches!  You-LichedtheLich!
Midnight: I believe what he's attempting to inform you of is that you gave that Arthas fellow a sound whipping.
Deegee: Fo'shizzle.
Berry Blue: Man, you're so Red right now.
Deegee: STFU Berry Ballsack.
Berry Blue: Don't make me come over there.
A sharp pain causes Fulguralis to gasp.
Fulguralis: Shut up! You two are giving me a headache.
Midnight: Well, I should think so.
Fulguralis: Huh?
Midnight: We are in your head, as it were.
Fulguralis looks down, noticing for the first time that he is all in black, floating in the center of the shape made by the lines in the floor.  From above, it is seen as a pentagram.
Fulguralis: My head?
Berry Blue: Where else you think we be chillin' when you ain't lettin' us out?
Deegee: Yeah, dawg.  You tell 'im.
Berry Blue: Can it, Reddy.
Deegee: Whatevs.
Fulguralis looks around at his minions, and the hazy chamber that is, apparently, his mind.
Fulguralis: So, why am I in here and not... out there?
Midnight: Sugar, you took a swan dive off the platform of the Frozen Throne.
Berry Blue: Yeah, plus you were bleedin' somethin' fierce.
Fulguralis: Am I dead then?
Spaz: NonoNO!  Not-Dead.  If-you-were-dead-thanwe-would-notbe-stilhere.
Midnight: Surprisingly coherent for the little guy.
Spaz: I-havemy-moments.  Zoom-zoom-zoom! Gogogogogogogo!
Deegee: WTF, dude.
Berry Blue: Chill.  We'll be back in the act soon enough.
Fulguralis: What do you mean?
Midnight: It's quite simple really.  You cause enough pain to someone and their mind fractures.  Warlocks are especially vulnerable.  
Fulguralis: So my mind is broken?
Deegee: Nah dude.  Check it.  Does it look busted to you?
Deegee gestures vaguely at the four walls of the room.  There don't appear to be any cracks.
Deegee: We had to hold this bitch together, ya know what I'm sayin' brah?
Fulguralis: No, I really don't.
Berry Blue: It's like this, you crack up, we get tossed back to the fiery pits most of us cats call home.
Midnight: Right, it's decidedly more pleasant here, even if we have to put up with you.
Berry Blue: You wouldn't believe how many blokes be tryin' to get in on this gig.  Hell, while we were shoring things up, they damn near pulled the ole switcheroo on us.  We weren't too sure we was gon' make it back in time.
Midnight: Lucky for you we decided the pain was worth it.  Mmmm, pain. 
Spaz: And-the-candy! Ohsomuchcandy! Candy-candy-candy!
Deegee: And brewskis.
Sparkie yips happily.
Midnight: He said, "and mages."
Fulguralis looks at each in turn.  It was odd to see them so happy.  His near death experience must have been quite a scare for them.  Not that he was thinking too fondly of his minions, mind you.  Just well, um... 
Fulguralis:  So, ah, how do I get out of here so that we can all just get back to the way things were?
Berry Blue: Just wake up.
For some reason, to Fulguralis that last bit came as a growl out of his minion's mouth.
Fulguralis: What was that?
Midnight: Wake up
A growl again.
Spaz: Wake up.
Deegee: Wake up.
Sparkie:  Wake up.
Did Sparkie just talk?

*     *     *

"Wake up," the voice growled again.

Fulguralis's eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring directing into the - muzzle - of a wolf.  Big teeth glistened in the moonlight.  So many teeth.  Yet, strangely, they didn't continue downward to devour his face.  

"There you go," the creature spoke, and, even more oddly, smiled.  It grasped him around the shoulder and helped the Warlock into a sitting position. 

"Who - what - who, are you?"  Fulguralis asked.

"Call me," the creature said, pausing for a moment, "Mr. Wow."


  1. Wow!
    Encore! Encore!!!

    Seriously, this was a lovely, lovely read! And then the ending was icing on the cake!

  2. It'd actually been a while since we'd had "minion time". That much was due.