Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Invest in GEEs Today!

While we were traveling this weekend, a pretty profound thought occurred to me. Basically, I think airplanes should be more like Gryphons. Or Hippogryphs. Or whatever the Horde flies on.  Maybe we're wasting all our money constructing these huge, metal behemoths, and what we should be doing is splicing some good old eagles with lions. 

Now, I know you're thinking: "well duh, Ful.  Eagle + Lion = Badass. /Endofstory."  Certainly, I would tend to agree with that sentiment.  I mean, anytime you take a ferocious feline and splice it with a bird of prey, it's probably going to be pretty sweet.  Cheetah plus Falcon.  Watch out for Ludicrous Speed.  Jaguar plus Hawk.  Do you enjoy Luxury?  Cougar plus Condor.  A Stealth MILF.  Tiger plus Owl.  Night Prowler.  Also good at golf.  Snow Leopard plus Thunderbird.  Window Shatterer.  I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.

Apart from the badassery, however, there are several more practical reasons why this would make good business sense.  Let's look at the facts.

You don't need a huge airport for our genetically enhanced eco-airline (or GEE).  They just leap into the air and take off.  No runway necessary.  Additionally, they don't need any sort of hanger or roost.  They just stack merrily in one or two representative icons that allow the individual to recognize that yes, this is a point of flight.

Jetfuel is expensive.  Hay and vermin are not.  I'd imagine our GEEs would run on small to medium sized vermin.  Maybe even insects.  It's totally "green" like that.  Also, chow does not explode when caught on fire.  Except for maybe some of the insects.  They do tend to burst when hitting the bug light.  So no bug lights near our GEEs.  Easy enough.

The weather does not affect a GEE.  GEEs are not grounded due to things like excessive ice (see: Icecrown) or electrical storms (see: Netherstorm) or even a spontaneous meteor shower (see: Honor Hold or Shadowmoon Valley).  We might have to invest in a little training, but nothing is more annoying than being stuck somewhere because of acts of the Light.  Or whichever deity controls the weather. 

Random crashes are not fatal.  In fact, you just end up at the flight point closest to where the crash occurred, all safe and sound.  Heck, this could even be exploited as a way to shave off some time from a crazy routing or to correct a miss-click on the booking screen.  Additionally, if you get kicked off the plane for any reason and you're still above the ground, parachutes come standard.  Even if you're not wearing one.

No pilots are needed.  GEEs can find their way from point to point just fine.  You don't have to worry about them dozing off during flight or checking their Facebook or arguing.  A downside here is that there will be no beverage service since there aren't any stewardesses flight attendants either.  (Fun fact: stewardesses can all be typed with your left hand.  It is the longest of such words, tied with desegregated and reverberated).

You ever try to hijack a gryphon?  Good way to get your hand bit off.  Just sayin'.  And crashing it into a building won't do shit; they just bounce off.  Or go right through if there's a glitch in The Matrix.

More than one can take off or land at the same time in the same place.  Collision is completely turned off on GEEs, unlike those silly airplanes, all running into each other like a Groucho Marx film.  No more being 26th in line to take off.

This is total speculation on my part, but I can't imagine that the saddles on a GEE are any less comfortable that the seats on a plane.  I highly suspect they have a great deal more leg room, as well as a less claustrophobic feel.  And also, there isn't a baby two rows back.  Only a newb puts a baby on a GEE.  Or a well funded alt.

More importantly, though, is that if we start with GEEs and dump money into that area of research, it would probably eventually lead to Dragons.  And boy do I love me some Dragons.  They might be a bit more hazardous what with the fire breath and talons and all, but then you won't need a DeLorian to travel back in time.  Chromie's got that shit covered. 

So yeah, Gryphons rule.  If you don't like Gryphons, you suck.


  1. Just a couple(!) of problems with the idea. Training would need to be covered so the animals knew where to fly. This is glossed over in Azeroth. The other big problem is Intercontinental flights - a no-go zone. Montreal to New York - no prob. New York to Paris? Whoops.

  2. Right, but the boats are super speedy and only take like 30s for a pond hop right? :-)

  3. ROFL! The title had me come to read an artice about Greater Eternal Essences.

  4. @ Cold

    Ha ha Whoops. Yeah, Fulguralis doesn't do gold making tips. His biggest gold making scheme is asking me for some >.<

    I'm going to laugh if people start buying out huge gobs of Greater Eternal Essences and stock piling them for no reason...

    I never thought about that :)

    <3 Your Friendly Neighborhood Fuubaar