Friday, June 19, 2009

A Warlock In Love

(OOC aside: Just a reminder that, though the interwebs are awash in PTR test note gossip, I will attempt to refrain from writing about them until they go live. I'm not a PTR guy. I find that my blackened warlock heart will be broken when something ends up being thrown out, and then things get burned. What's that saying? Once fooled, twice shy? Blizz has a longstanding history of putting things on the PTR that don't go live. That's kinda what it's for. So don't get your ebonweave panties in a bind. Speaking of panties...)

She wasn't like the other women. I mean, I'd corrupted my fair share of Paladins, let me tell you. I guess you could say I'd had my own little Argent Crusade. Yet, there was something about this one.

She smiles when she's getting beat on. She holds up her shield while dangerous monsters of all types hurl their massive energies and brawn against it and just grins as if to say: "Harder". She's insane. That's it, that's what's different. She's crazy. She likes pain more than I do, and I'm a warlock.

She's not like a minion. I can't summon her and tell her what to do, as much as I think I'd like that. Still, she's not easily seduced by the demonic like the others. She's hard to get. Maybe that's it. I just want what I can't have. I suppose I should just steal her soul and be done with it. I am a warlock.

She doesn't gloat when she single-handedly saves people. She's completely humble about her own abilities. She doesn't see how talented she really is. Maybe that's it. Perhaps opposites attract. Modesty is not in my vocabulary. If I save someone, it's because I had their soul trapped in a stone and it's going to save me a trip through the spirit realm. When I kill something, you know it. I mean, I'm a warlock, right?

Prince of darkness, that's me.

Then why. Am. I. Obsessed. With. This. Paladin?! I don't know what it is about her, but I'm fascinated. I swoon at the casual way she flips her shield and it smashes into the face of a variety of opponents, spreading blood around like some sort of glorious Dalaran firework of flesh. I feel like I would follow her into fire that I CREATED. I think I've finally lost my mind to the demons, because this is more insane than summoning a voidwalker to try and piss off all the monster's in Archavon's Vault. At least then you'd have backup and like... healers and junk. There are no healers in the games she's playing.

Maybe she's a warlock in disguise and secretly has my soul in a shard somewhere. I think I'd notice that though. It's not my soul, that's missing.

I look down at my ash-stained clothing and take inventory of myself. Something's missing, that's for sure. It's not a limb. I think it's in the chestal region of my body, somewhere under this manly-robe. There was something there, and it's gone now. I recall it beating rhythmically once upon a time. It was small and probably charred, but it would beat, I was sure of it. What was that thing called again?

Oh yeah, the h... he... heart. That's it. She's stolen my heart! Well, that just won't do.

How could I not have noticed that? We were just in that tavern the other day too. Maybe that's why she was so cross with me afterward. She's obviously gone to great lengths to play this clever practical joke on me (it's quite hard to get one's heart out of one's chest without one noticing, even if it is an undersized warlock heart), and I was too much of a dolt to give her the pleasure of noticing.

Well there's an easy enough remedy to this situation. I'll just have to go ask her for it back. We'll have a good laugh and she'll return it. She has to, she's not evil after all. Right?


  1. Here's the real test of whether or not you are ready to be in love with a Paladin -

    Do you like her in that Buns of Saronite getup, or would you prefer to see her in Khay's cheerleading skirt?

    Because I doubt the latter will EVER happen. ;P

    I am sending Fuu a special book in the mail to warn her about you dangerous Affliction warlocks...

  2. Ha, I wear enough girly clothing for the two of us. Besides, that plate is tight in *all* the right places.