Thursday, May 28, 2009

Stupid Mages and Their Spawning

I read a literal "lol" post yesterday over at Critical QQ regarding five facts about mages that I would suggest even to the warlocking general public. Our hatred for mages is well known, but don't let the mage bloggery throw you off... this is some good stuff. There's even two rather positive warlock comments in there. The first being an admission of hatred for the mage-killer that is our felpup. The second, of course, is the reference to "gleeful" life tapping to scare healers... which I take great pride in.

Which brings me to my point of the day. The whole mage mirror image thing is the bane of my existence. I mean, one mage is bad enough, but then copies pop up and its like a Kinko's took a shit on my raid. You've got chaotic spells coming from odd places. They don't stack up properly. Sometimes they obsequiously creep towards the boss like they're going to run in an melee or something dumb. They crowd my screen with their shenanigans.

And... they... die.

Now, normally you won't hear me QQ'ing about a mage dying. However, when the copies die, they make the same sound as a real mage dying. Then I'm getting all excited for nothing. They're a complete tease! Jaina and her posse. Teases! If Jaina were a warlock, we'd have seen her dancing in her birthday suit on a tavern table at least 666 times by now. What are you playing at, Jaina, giving all these mages copies of themselves? It's like a mage orgy. And I, for one, think it needs to stop!

Why can't the mage copies be of a different shade of color? Perhaps when they die they could just, fade away. Or even go "poof" in a ballroom magician-like puff of smoke.

You know who else hates your copies mages? Healers and tanks. All of 'em.

How many times has a healer wasted the good heal on your copy? It's absurd! I know healers feel me on this. And tanks? Well, one sits across from me in the game room every raid and freaks right the hell out when she hears the "death cry" go out across the speakers. You see, tanks are well-trained animals that tend to listen for things like cries of death to make sure a Dark Touched Warrior isn't running roughshod among the clothies. They hear your copies announcing the end of their little mage-party and think they've missed an add. It's just plain rude.

In fact, as a RL who is in the same room as his tank, we have developed a simple form of communication for many things. Now, when that death cry goes out, I simply say (in that tone of voice): "mages..." And we know what you've been doing. We know. Naughty Naughty Mages.

So do us all a favor and go see a therapist or get some pills or something to cure this unwanted case of Magophrenia If you can't do that, at least dip those posing bastards in paint and gag them or something. Trust me, it won't ruin the fun of your Magorgy. You can take your petting zoo with you too, I'm gonna AoE it anyways.

And Euripedes, I do understand about the skull thing, though I'm confused as to this mana pool business. Have you ever just tried cutting yourselves? It's fairly simple really and can be quite fun. And I feel ya about the thankless jobs. If you're the Gatekeeper of the Inn, we're undoubtedly the Keymaster what with the summons and all. You have Strudel, we have cookies. Don't let it go to your head. People don't really thank their minions until they get a fire bolt in the back of the head. I think warlocks wouldn't hate mages so much if y'all would just grow a spine and stop trying to be so damn nice. We're warlocks and we're are trying to make your lives difficult. It's what we do. Deal with it.

(In all seriousness though, that was a great article. I just had to turn the warlock loose)


  1. UGH. STUPID MAGE COPIES. As a healer, these things drive me nuts. Between the stupid fake-mages dying, and whatever that instant pyroblast proc noise is that sounds EXACTLY like an achievement, Mages are really getting on my nerves.

    And then I think about how much mages are shat on by Blizzard, and I just feel pity.

    Most classes have SOME form of self healing, even if it's crappy. Don't get uppity, lock. You've got your minion and life tap or whatever you locks do to give me a healbot-induced heart attack. But poor mages. Not only are they pathetic and incapable of doing any sort of super magic to heal themselves, but they are also just wimpy and covered in cloth. It used to be okay because they were nearly guaranteed to top the dps chart - but not anymore!

    And the sad thing is, that as a healer who has to prioritize, if a mage gets hit with something, most of the time i just dont even bother trying to heal them. Waste of time and mana, since theyre just gonna die anyway. If I'm feeling generous I'll pop and shield and renew on them, but other than that, sorry kids. That's what you get for crying wolf so many times with your stupid mage clone deaths, and forcing me to turn sound off so i dont go insane.

    It's triage.

  2. When hunters Feign Death I panic a little too.

    You're totally spot-on with the tanking.

    Death-knells make me go 'WHAAAAAT?!'

  3. Oh, I totally owned up to warlocks giving healers heart attacks. I just think we're honest becuase we're evil and enjoy it. It's "working as intended" for us =D.

  4. Oh, YES that death-cry freaks my healer the hells out. SHE WAS FINE JUST A SECO-

    ... oh.


    I don't blame the mages, though - Blizz saddled them with this.

  5. Personally I make sure to announce prior to the start of any raid that no healer is to put any heal on me other than a HoT. Don't waste your time and mana healing me cause regardless of what their insticts are telling them...I'm NOT dying!!! I'm a warlock!!! I'm a player controlled raid boss!!! I'm the closest thing to a GM playing the game...just focus on the mages, they are weak and need your help. Me...I'll just use my personal HoT (siphon life) and wait for Haunt to come back for some bigger heals.

    Stupid mages...they need a new spell called 'Implode.' Implode will replace their entire spell book and will deal 1 million damage instantly to npcs (...50 damage to players), but cause the mage to die. Would better sum up their existence than tricking them into thinking anything else should happen for them.

  6. yes...the implode crack was meant to be a joke and a poke at mages. Jessabelle is closer to the actual truth of the life of a mage.

  7. Win.

    That's really all I can say.

    Oh wait, the only time I like the mage copies is when Gnomer posts pics of him and his copies in their skivvies. That makes me giggle. ;)

  8. The sound of a dying Mage freaks you out?

    Image how I feel...

    As it is I am way too used to the sound of my own death... but when my 3 copies go down, I loose all sense of being... forget my rotation, and just for a moment... a very short moment mind you... I think it's me dying on the floor.

    Stupid things just don't know what *I* want them to kill either...

    PS: Syrana is right... 4 Gnaked Gnomeaggedons are more fun that one!

  9. It's funny when you PvP and the mage's copies all stand there and look at you while the real mage runs around like a wild person. Those copies are just sooooo cool in the face of death.