Friday, May 15, 2009

Always Use Protection

The carpet undulated beneath my feet as I approached the lake in the Grizzly Hills area. Wind from my passage through the air was causing my robes to whip about me in a frantic manner as I struggled to stand upright on the enchanted fabric. I really would have rather been able to sit on the carpet, but apparently one must stand to operate one of these things.

On one hand, the carpets were more convenient than a dragon (though less impressive), as dragons could be quite large (and fiery). Why, just last week I had been trying to join a battle in Naxxaramas, only to find the entrance quite blocked by the large beasties. It was like a damn roost. There was dragon dung everywhere and wings that whipped you face even as you were attempting to use the magic of the stone to hasten companions to your side. Fortunately, as a Warlock I'm not dependant upon the more plebeian means of Azerothan commute, and was able to set up my own portal inside of the stronghold proper in order to avoid the mess.

The point here is just that if all those folks would have been on a carpet, we could have avoiding the pooping, and the wings, and screeching. Although, dragon dung does burn quite nicely... However, only one skilled with cloth could hope to control these bullish carpets as they try to buck you from their backs. It's not all lazy flights above Dalaran singing: "I can show you the World... of Azeroth" to some prissy princess. Oh, no. It takes balance, ladies and Gnomes.

I have often thought, when the time comes to settle down from all the adventuring, that I might open a tavern in Shattrath with a mechanical carpet ride inside. I'm sure I could convince an engineer to build one for me. How hard could it be? And I'd bet those blood elf chicks would love to hop up on the bouncing carpet ride, testing their mettle with how long they can last before being shucked. Of course, the guys would love it too, watching the skinny, nether addicted women ride the rolling carpet, and alcohol sales would go through the roof. I'd get a few of those cute Dwarven bar maids. We could probable even convince the more conservative human ladies to take a try after a few drinks. There was that one Paladin that I'd love to see up there... but I digress.

Where was I?

Right, flying towards the lake.

Hopping off of my magic carpet at the edge of a small pond, I surveyed the area where I'd landed. There seemed to be a path that led by the reedy edge of the pond where travelers might pass, but lucky for me it stood empty at the moment. I cringed as I thought about what I was about to do. It was bad enough without having an audience.

I reached into my bag and pulled out the lip balm that I'd been given and returned my attentions to my surroundings. There were a couple dozen frogs hopping around in the marshy edge between the pond and the road, croaking amicably and eyeing me a bit warily. Right back at ya, buddy, I thought, returning the gaze and applying some lip balm.

With a deep breath, I steeled myself for what I knew I needed to do. This has got to be the stupidest task ever, I thought. I'm totally going to get warts. This lady better be worth it.

One of the frogs startled me by croaking loudly at my feet. I looked down to find it staring at me inquisitively. It seemed to be batting its eyes at me too. Maybe I'd get lucky. Maybe the first frog I kissed would be the lady in disguise. I bent down and gingerly picked the slimy amphibian up. Puckering up, I brought my lips to meet the cold, wet frog's mouth. It was, perhaps, the most disgusting thing I've done, and I've done some disgusting things. I mean... I am a warlock.

Hesitantly, I set the frog back on the ground, wondering how long it would take for it to change. It sat there, looking lovingly back at me. As I stared into its eyes, I could have sworn I saw a human intelligence behind them.

"My Lady?" I asked hesitantly.

I heard a distinctly female giggle, however it was from directly behind me, not the frog. I spun around to see one of those skinny blood elf girls laughing at me as she sauntered by on the previously empty path. I resisted the urge to start a faction war right here and now, and turned back around to the frog.

"This is all your fault," I accused. The frog just smiled and nuzzled lovingly against my boot.

Frustrated, I looked around for something to burn, but found only more frogs and other wet things. This was a pond after all. I sighed and took out the lip balm. This was probably going to take a while.

"Shoo!" I said, trying to shake the frog I'd just kissed off of my boot.

I spied a wooden sign near the trail that announced the name of the pond. I started walking towards it. The frog followed.

*Fwoosh*

7 comments:

  1. This actually has nothing to do with your post, but... Hopefully Fuu will read this, because I'm having a very amusing day. A super little debate popped up on my facebook page between two people about Paladins and their belief structures. I'm cracking up.

    So, correct me if I'm wrong but... isn't the general idea that Paladins follow a belief in a very vague thing called "the light", and not actually a defined entity aka "God"?

    Secondly, how absolutely ridiculous is it to get into a heated argument about the spirituality of a fictional class in a fictional world?

    -jbelle (who follows THE LIGHT)

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  2. First, I'll answer anyways.

    Second, you are correct in that Paladins are defenders of "The Light". There is nothing to suggest that "the light" is a single, all powerful diety. Rather, as I understand it, it's more of an idea or concept than an individual (or "god").

    Third, it's completely ridiculous yet ludicrously fun sometimes to debate fictional theology. It's probably less touchy than RL theology, but only marginally so, as I believe that people just enjoy getting angry when other's don't agree with them... including me. However, since I'm a warlock, I'll just burn you if I don't like you.

    Five... is right out.

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  3. Paladins follow a strict path of doing things for a greater cause aka "The Light" Some people could debate that this path is very religous because of who our leaders are & where we train aka The Cathedral in SW.

    My feeling is that it was a group of people who wanted to fix the world... of warcraft. They saw hatred, plague, death, corrution, etc. etc. and wanted to do something about it. Paladins are a class that can do anything and are selfless in their acts. Using holy light to assist in taking on some of the biggest foes that must be purged to save humanity. The Light is a reminder of what the goals are and how to achieve them.

    Do I feel that the "Light" is "God"? I don't think so but I'm not very good with Lore.

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  4. Well since we are discussing fictional fantasy theology, here is my theory on what "the light" is! I think it's along the lines actually of the Christian idea of the holy spirit... "the light" comes from within and without, and to truly follow the cause of the light is to search within yourself to find the greater truth, justice, and honor, above what one's society, culture, or nationality decrees as "right".

    Thus, grouping the historical knights or crusaders along with paladins is truly false. In many ways I think paladins appear similar to these historical figures, but based on their spiritual beliefs I think there is a stark difference.

    -jbelle

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  5. I suppose the "falseness" would depend on what you mean by "grouping" them.

    I think Paladins very much resemble the archetypes of Medieval Knights or Holy Crusaders, but are certainly not exact copies. The generality is simple that they are all heavily armored combat specialists that answer to some higher authority (as opposed to a solo-artist like a Rogue). For Knights this might have been the will of a lord or master and for crusaders it was the Church or God. For Paladins it is the Light. The difference perhaps being that the Light is not in and of itself a being, but far less tangible.

    I think I need some alcohol to really make this conversation not hurt my brain. lol

    The real question, Jess, is did you like my story?!

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  6. I liked your story quite a bit. I have mixed feelings about searching for that maiden and making out with frogs. I usually have a handful following me around all googly eyed.

    As for the Paladin discussion... there is the whole Naaru aspect to consider as well. But in the lore I have read, they are not following "God" by RL standards.

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  7. Oh! Greyseer is a very knowledgeable lore guy... might want to hit him up on your pally question (or check through his blog to see if there's anything on it): http://www.lorecrafted.com/

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