Wednesday, March 18, 2009


... IRL.

Do you ever wake up tired from a late night raid experience, berating yourself for getting to bed so late when you knew darn well you had a buttcrack of dawn meeting? Then, do you get to work and the meeting only to find that it is the same worthless drivel day in and day out? That you probably could have just stayed in bed, blamed your alarm clock, and been completely fine for missing the meeting?

Do you sometimes think: Wow, my job is completely un-epic? Do you view real life team roles as tanking, DPS, and healing, saying to your co-worker: "If only Bob would be able to push more dam... paperwork, we'd be able to cle... please the boss?" Do you find yourself trying to summon a minion or go into stealth mode at work, only to be disappointed when it doesn't work? If you've ever gotten a promotion or had a birthday, do you wish a bright light surrounded you with a cymbal crash so you could glance at the people nearby and say: "ding".

Do you say things such as "wife aggro", " boss aggro", or "[insert name here] aggro"? When viewing the downturns of the economy recently, do you find yourself hoping for a "patch"? Do you try to break down social situations into repeatable rotations of actions and reactions? Do you "buff" yourself with caffeine? Do you wish sparkly nothings rose from your food when you are sitting on the floor and eating?

Do you find yourself making strange hand gestures and hoping they carry some secretive and magical meaning? Do you think of your automobile as your "mount"? Do you call giving birth "rolling an alt"? Instead of going "steady" do you stay "static"? Do you fight a sometimes strange and inexplicable longing to wear robes in public, or armor? Does "class" take on a whole different meaning for you than it seems to for the rest of the world? Do you compare things like wedding planning to concepts like tanking?

Are you reading this post? Have you read or do you plan to read at least a handful of other posts in a semi-structured manner throughout the day, just like you did yesterday? Are you plotting your revenge on pixels for this evening? Do you spend more financial thought on "gold" than "cash"? Does you computer have its own room? Is your big screen TV vastly underused when compared to your 22" computer monitor? When the sun is shining, do you scheme of ways to take your desktop computer outside somehow? When you succeed at completing a difficult task, do you wish something would pop up in front of you, awarding you an arbitrary amount of "pride points"?

Do you feel the urge to list your raid/guild leadership experience on your resume because you think it says more about you than all the other crap you put on there? Do you find it hard explaining to others that you're part of a community of like-minded individuals that value you for who you are and what you bring to the table, only to have them scoff when you explain what that community actually is? Have you memorized computer specs even though you have absolutely no other technical background? Does the color purple make you ask just what about THAT is epic? Do you frequently find yourself using the term "real life"?

If you've answered yes to any of the above questions, don't worry, there is help out there for you. You just won't find it here.

(This post started as one of those drug commercials in my head. If you can, try to visualize a hot chick and a puppy running around in a field on a sunny day and some crazy words popping up on the screen. They don't even have to be at all related to the message, because that's how it goes. Also, feel free to add your own "symptoms of the gamer". This is actually not the meme I was referencing, but I found it humorous to try and think of traits we look for to "out" other gamers. For instance, if you're around the water cooler at work and someone says something was "epic", don't you feel the curious urge to strike up a conversation with them and "feel out" how much they know... Maybe that's just me. I would encourage any other bloggers to share their thoughts... though again, this is not a meme and I'm not tagging anyone. I just felt a random longing to be random today.)

(Unrelated: I only get Matticus in feed reader, so maybe I'm not sure If my reader is playing tricks on me, but is he embedding secret code into his posts? Here's the last one. Now, call me crazy, but it looks to me like there are a few single bolded letters that spell out f-o-u-r-t-h. Fourth what? Did I miss something? Is he sneaking hidden messages in his posts? Or am I just crazy?)


  1. A few of them certainly apply to me. Especially the "aggro" one. Sorry, fiance aggro brb.

    Another thing I find myself doing is thinking about how ridiuclous I would look doing an in-game thing in real life....for example, running in circles trying to throw HoTs, or Thunderclapping.

  2. For sure. I'm lucky enough that my soon to be wife plays with me so I don't have that aggro... probably be a lot different when we have kids.

    As a warlock, I really wish I could do shadowflame IRL. Just think of how many workplace disputes could be solved by a flaming skull... *sigh*

  3. Wow... that post made my afternoon. I was wondering about the bold letters as well, but I just started reading Matticus today, so I assumed it was just a weird formatting-not-liking-my-computer thing. Knowing that it spells something makes it all that more mysterious.

  4. I love this post.

    I remember one morning I logged on for a few minutes before work, to commiserate with my guild's "night crew" (our token Aussies, who are on opposite hours from the rest of us) about an upcoming meeting. They cheered me up with suggestions about how to make the meeting memorable. My favorite? Throw matches in the air, scream RAIN OF FIRE!, and run out again.

    Oh a semi-related note, it's still possible to incur girlfriend-aggro if your significant other is a gamer. My boyfriend gets it pretty bad when he spends his days off leveling his retpally alt rather than helping get caught up on the laundry, or whatever.

  5. You reader was not playing tricks on you. The purpose of the "fourth" is not quite clear to me yet though.

    I often suffer from cat aggro. They love to climb on me and my computer desk while I'm trying to play.

    I have also told my boss "I fail" when something got messed up or I didn't get something done. Of course, I got an odd look.

    Gamers are near non-existent where I work. The best I get is finding a couple other metal heads.